As we age, many seniors find it difficult to maintain cognitive function. For some seniors with dementia, this can lead to confusion, disorientation and in some cases paranoia.  In Russel’s case, he was looking at pictures of his wife, and no longer recognized himself in the images. She was having an affair with the older version of himself. The more Ann tried to reassure him that there was no one else in her life, the more suspicious, agitated and paranoid he became – all symptoms of dementia.

Dementia manifests itself in many ways, and not all seniors experience the same symptoms.  Rus has delusions.  His wife was having an affair.  His caregiver was a promiscuous neighbor girl constantly trying to take off his pants and get him in the shower. Strangers were trying to steal his car and his life savings. I’m still not sure if the last one is a delusion or real phone scammers!

This was a difficult emotional journey for the entire family.  The first observation was that the more the family tried to correct Russel’s concerns, the more agitated he became.  I suggested that they allow him to live in his own reality.  The next step was the therapeutic lie.  We were all going to help him put a plan in place to get his wife back, secure his money, and stop the neighbor girl from hitting on him.  We also scheduled a neurologist and primary care visit to get a proper diagnosis of his condition.  I suggested a support group for the family.  This would provide a safe place for them to share their experiences and offer support to each other.  I gave Ann some pointers on how to remain patient and understanding when Russ acted up, and this made him feel more secure.  We also replaced the pictures in the home with images from their past when Russ still recognized himself. Russ thanked me for ending the affair and saving his marriage.

Our goal was to keep the couple together. This could no longer be done in the home without sacrificing Ann’s quality of life.  With the help of a skilled team at an assisted living / memory care, Russ and Ann have downsized into a community that is giving Russ the daily cognitive help he needs while giving Ann the independence and socialization she needs to maintain her health.  Medication management and daily programming have reduced the delusions, and Russ no longer mentions the “affair.” I am adding marriage counselor to my resume!

At CarePatrol, our job is to help you navigate these situations and to find the solution best suited for your family.  We understand what you are going through, and no one is better at helping seniors and their families deal with the realities of aging than CarePatrol.

If you need help finding care for a senior, please give us a call.  Our services are free and we are here to help.

You can reach Eric Klein, CSA, BCPA, CPRS at 847-653-1213.

Sarah took care of dad when he was sick, and felt her siblings did not do enough to help. Steve was the power of attorney for dad, and his older sister Cheryl thought that should be her responsibility. Mom wanted to engage hospice, and the kids were not ready to “give up on dad.” Roberta raised three intelligent, independent and successful kids, yet they spoke to her in a very condescending tone as if she could not make decisions for herself. Family dynamics can be complex.

When I started developing Roberta’s care plan, one of my objectives was to unite the family. Roberta had some serious health issues and she was going to need the support of her kids. She also wanted to have peace knowing that her children would stay close and support each other after her death. There was genuine love between these family members, but it was masked with accumulated bitterness over the years and unprocessed grief from dad’s recent death.

I frequently ask seniors to write out their thoughts so that we can organize, review, process and present them to their family.  Often these words become a legacy to their children.  Roberta kept it simple and to the point.  She was a poet in my opinion. She called her list “An Uncomfortable Conversation with Mom.”

• You chose your friends, but God chose your family.
  • Love hard.  Don’t let petty disagreements stop you from loving your family.
  • Communicate openly and honestly, seek compromise and don’t let disagreements define your relationships.
  • Express your love and appreciation even when you disagree. Let your family know you appreciate them every chance you get. They will be gone before you know it.
  • Call each other.  You may not have many phone calls left.
  • Don’t let your success make you forget that people are more important than money.

When I asked for a family meeting to discuss mom’s care plan and review her letter, the kids were reluctant, but compliant.  By the end of the night they were crying, emotionally exhausted, and probably a little buzzed from Cheryl’s three bottles of wine.  Our three hour session resulted in a care plan that everyone agreed would give mom the best chance of “Finishing Strong” on her dementia journey.

Dementia does not usually follow a straight line.  Roberta’s disease progression was more like climbing a jungle gym – and she fell off quickly. There were moments of clarity and excellent recall of long term memories. This made her son happy. There were difficult days when she forgot how to chew her food. This made her daughters cry. Throughout the entire process, her children loved on her and supported her.  As mom got worse, the kids got closer.  They loved on mom and each other. After her recent passing, they honored her life by reading mom’s “Uncomfortable Conversation” at her funeral. Mom got her peace.

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At CarePatrol, our job is to help you navigate these situations and to find the care solution best suited for your family.  We understand what you are going through, and no one is better at helping seniors and their families deal with the realities of aging than CarePatrol.

If you need help finding care for a senior, please give us a call.  Our services are free, and we are here to help.

You can reach Eric Klein, CSA, BCPA, CPRS at 847-653-1213.

Shirley spent her career as an accountant.  She was insightful and logical about her situation, but was struggling to process the emotions. I decided to create a spreadsheet that reflected all the information I had obtained during our CareDiscovery, and use the data and insight to show her how an assisted living community could meet her needs. She hummed as she reviewed the document. She had several items that were non-negotiable:   the cat was coming with her, she wanted to celebrate Hanukkah, she had to have a beer before bed, and she played mahjong not bridge. Her heart was heavy, but she decided to move as soon as we found an assisted living community that met her needs.

The community’s holiday party was her first big event in the multipurpose room.  At first, Shirley was hesitant to mingle with other residents, most of whom were strangers to her. But as the evening wore on, she found herself laughing and chatting with a group of friendly seniors who had also recently moved into the community.  As they exchanged stories, she began to feel a sense of camaraderie with her new friends. Her neighbor led the group in a few Christmas songs and she taught them how to play a raucous game of dreidel, something she hadn’t done in years.  For some reason, I don’t remember dreidel being a drinking game? She exchanged ethnic dishes with a Swedish neighbor and found out that they had gravid lax (lox) in common. She loved the kottbullar (meatballs), hated the lutefisk, and said her latkes (potato pancakes) were the talk of the floor.

The day after Christmas, Shirley called me to say that this holiday season turned out to be one of the most memorable and enjoyable in recent years. She may have left behind her old home, but she found a new family in her assisted living friends. She told me she had a lot to be thankful for.

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At CarePatrol, our job is to help you navigate these situations and to find the care solution best suited for your family.  We understand what you are going through, and no one is better at helping seniors and their families deal with the realities of aging than CarePatrol.

If you need help finding care for a senior, please give us a call.  Our services are free, and we are here to help.

You can reach Eric Klein, CSA, BCPA, CPRS at 847-653-1213.

Dad had Alzheimer’s.  Mom was his caregiver, until she fell trying to get him out of the bathtub.  Now she had two parents that could not bathe, toilet, grocery shop, prepare meals, do laundry, manage the house or get to doctor appointments.  The physical burden exhausted her. But the emotional toll she endured watching her formerly strong, professionally accomplished dad, and well educated super mom, now reduced to childlike care needs was too much to handle.

Gwen and I became a team.  She was mom and dad’s voice when they could not express their needs.  I was their advocate to navigate the often complex world of finding long term care.  Our goal was to keep them together, while providing for all their care needs. Acting as the “quarterback” or “general contractor”, I managed the long term care journey. Together we found a community that could balance mom’s need for physical help with her mobility issues and her desire for independent socialization, with dad’s increasing care demands due do his cognitive deficit.

When my CarePatrol office and I work with a family, we don’t just give them a list of senior living options to choose from. We get to know them.  We love on them.  We cry with them.  They often joke that I become a “rent a son” or part of the family. Several months after Gwen’s parents were settling into their assisted living community, we got together for a coffee. We reminisced over what we experienced together over these past months, and how I got to know her family so well during the process. We experienced a family wedding and its accompanying celebration.  A death in the family and its accompanying rituals.  A major surgery and it’s accompanying worries.  A joyous birthday marking  90 years, and a life well lived.  And just like that, mom and dad moved out of their home of 50 years into a community that will allow them to age in place and Finish Strong.

Aging and finding appropriate care in today’s healthcare environment can be overwhelming. There is no one size fits all solution for senior care. Your family may benefit from Eric’s senior living expertise and access to assisted living, memory care and in-home care options. If you need FREE help finding care for a senior, you can reach Eric Klein, CSA, BCPA, CPRS at CarePatrol • 847.653.1213 • eklein@carepatrol.com

One weekend, I spent time with a gentleman named Karl. He gave me some gems that are very insightful into the aging process:

• I’m 98 years old. I’m not stupid. I can even email and use a cell phone. Don’t get mad at me because I want my bills to show up in the mail and I want to write a check at the grocery store. Don’t laugh at me when I don’t understand why the TV needs three remotes. My childhood home did not have running water and we used an outhouse for a toilet. I’ve learned a lot.
• I turn the lights on all the time because I can’t see in low light. I turn the heat on because I am always freezing even in warm weather. I want to drive because I think I can.
• Tell the people close to you that you love them now. They may be gone tomorrow, or you may be gone tomorrow. Either way, don’t put it off.
• The older I get, the less people pay attention to me. I can wait for what seems like hours trying to get help in a department store. Salespeople need to learn that seniors have money, and we should not be ignored.
• I’ve lost my tolerance for stupid people. I don’t care if it is the newscaster on TV or the neighbor blaring his music at 2 a.m. I don’t have time for BS and I have no problem telling people how I really feel.
• My family likes to argue with me all the time about politics, world events, finances, or what soap to use for my laundry. It’s not that I’m stubborn, it’s that I’ve made up my mind about many things over a long period of time and I am not going to change my opinion. I’ve earned it. Respect it or walk away.
• I am just short of my 100th birthday. I still think I have a lot of life left to live. I may still do something memorable with the time I have left. Don’t limit me.

Seniors have accumulated years of life experience and can teach us about enduring change and handling life’s challenges. Please treat them with respect. Listen. Affirm. Be kind and polite. And be thankful. Many of the comforts we take for granted are gifts from them.

At CarePatrol, helping seniors find the best assisted living, memory care and in-home care options is just part of what we do every day. Our process involves doing a thorough Care Discovery to determine the level and kind of care needed. We review finances to put a plan in place so seniors do not outlive their assets. We schedule family meetings to get everyone on the same page. Most importantly, we love our seniors because they deserve our care.

If you need help finding care for a senior, you can reach Eric Klein, CSA, CPRS at CarePatrol via (847) 653-1213 or eklein@carepatrol.com.

One night I received a call from a daughter that was struggling to find care for her parents. She had been doing an excellent job scheduling their doctor appointments, managing their medications, shopping for groceries, preparing weekly meals, washing laundry, and maintaining their home. Now, she was burnt out.

Being her parents caregiver had resulted in increased stress, anxiety and sleepless nights. It had taken a toll on her own health. She gained weight, her blood pressure was up, and she developed insomnia. Her relationship with her husband was strained. Her kids now relied on neighbors to keep them busy during the summer. She had a wonderful relationship with her parents growing up, but being a daughter was now burdensome. Jessica had caregiver burnout.

I met with Jessica’s parents and her siblings to evaluate their care needs, and observe the family dynamic over coffee and snacks. I started with some basic questions about what they liked to do as a family. The talk turned into reminiscing about memories and milestones that were important to them. It was immediately obvious that the family needed some coaching on how to deal with mom and dad’s cognitive decline. As we sat around the table, the kids were constantly telling their parents that they were wrong about something. Voices were raised over who attended what wedding. Topics were brought up that upset dad, such as why he did not like one of the spouses. Mom was criticized for forgetting how to use something or forgetting to make a phone call. The son had no problem arguing with dad over things he couldn’t remember.

After an hour and a half, I asked the kids to leave. It was time for me to see how mom and dad acted when they were alone and the kids were not triggering them. I settled on the couch with them and watched as dad tried to program the new smart TV the kids got him. The stress level decreased, and it turned out that they were a lovely couple. They both were aware of their cognitive decline. They knew they needed help, but were struggling with leaving their home. They asked very good questions about life in an assisted living or memory care community.  They also asked why their kids seemed so angry at them.

By the end of our conversation, we had a plan in place to present to the kids. We were going to look at three assisted living, memory care communities, and start the process of selling their home, downsizing their belongings, and setting them up for success to age in place at a community. They would no longer have to stress over the home or struggle with daily activities.

When I was walking out the door, Phil surprised me. He told me that he had a difficult time trusting people, and he asked if I knew I was being tested. I wasn’t sure where this was going. He told me that he could trust anyone that would sit with him for 2 hours as he tried to enter his email into a TV. He gave me a big hug and thanked me for being patient.

At CarePatrol, we help seniors find the best assisted living, memory care and in-home care options. We conduct a Care Discovery to determine care needs, review finances, and schedule family meetings to get everyone on the same page.

If you need help finding care for a senior, contact Eric Klein, CSA, CPRS at CarePatrol via (847) 653-1213 or eklein@carepatrol.com.

Marcy called my CarePatrol office about her husband Marvin. He had dementia, and she wanted to know about assisted living options “for when he gets really bad.” Marvin’s Alzheimer’s was affecting his short-term memory and ability to have meaningful conversations. The once passive man, often got angry and acted out when shopping or eating at a restaurant. He was also losing control over his bladder in public, which seemed to be affecting Marcy more than him.

When I arrived at their home for an initial meeting, the house was clean and the brownies she served were delicious. I admired the art posters that had been acquired over years of traveling. As we settled into our conversation, Marcy was feverishly looking for the notes I had asked her to prepare in response to questions I had about the couple’s daily routine. She also wanted to turn down the TV in the background but couldn’t find the remote.

Marcy went to a kitchen drawer that was stuck. She asked if I could help her get it open. As I forced open the drawer, she started to cry. She told me that no one had ever seen inside her junk drawer. I convinced her to let me empty the contents on the kitchen table and help her sort through the mess. Old batteries, McDonald’s ketchup, and dried out markers accompanied keys that had no locks, a cassette tape that hadn’t seen a tape player in 20 years, a calendar from 1989, a faded page from a Sears catalog, and the lost TV remote.

I’m never one to pass on a good analogy. We looked at the mess on the kitchen table, and I commented that the overflowing junk drawer was her approach to Marvin’s care. It was time to get to work and clean it out. On the outside, Marcy presented as confident and well put together. On the inside she was in turmoil. She put her junk away so that no one could see the mess.The junk drawer was full of stuff that she didn’t want to deal with—past due bills, an old phone that was once expensive but now worthless, and several traffic tickets. Our lives are also full of things we don’t want to face—unhealthy relationships, bad habits, or even our spouse’s dementia diagnosis.

We started to address the care situation.

Marcy did her best to shower and dress Marvin on a daily basis. He had fallen during that process many times, resulting in trips to the emergency department. She had to make peace with her past mistakes and get help with his care.

Marcy was embarrassed when Marvin wet himself in public or acted out at the grocery store. She did her best to hide her daily struggles from her family and friends. It was time to come clean with the people that loved her, and ask for help.

Marcy was overwhelmed with sorrow, grief and fear of the future. We needed to put a plan in place to give her the professional help she needed. It was important to process those emotions and rebuild her life, while getting her husband the care he needed at the same time. She also needed to allow herself to see that there could be happiness and hope beyond the daily struggles of being a caregiving wife.

Marcy needed the support of her adult children and close friends. We presented them with a care plan for Marvin that included a transition to a memory care community. To her surprise, the people that loved her supported her 100%. They were all aware of the couple’s struggles and Marvin’s disease progression, but they did not want to embarrass them by addressing the situation. Now that we got the conversation out in the open, they were all going to play a supportive role in helping with this difficult time.

Many of our lives are like junk drawers. They can be messy and contain things that we do not want others to see. They can also contain hidden treasures and magical memories—photos of the grandkids, a hundred dollar bill in an old birthday card, a concert program from a memorable night, and a cork from a bottle of wine enjoyed on a cruise.

When I help seniors and their families navigate the senior living process, I often help people sort out their “junk drawers.” All our lives are both flawed and fascinating. When we accept this reality, we can process all of those concerns and emotions in a new context. This allows us to put a plan in place to take care of our loved ones when they need us most. This is what I call “Helping Seniors Finish Strong.”

CarePatrol is committed to helping families stay safe, whether it be at home or in an assisted living community. Since the pandemic began, families have been reaching out to us concerned about their loved ones living alone at home and struggling with dementia, mobility impairments, hearing issues and activities of daily living such as eating and incontinence.

About 47 million older adults are aging in their homes. Of these, 7 million are in frail condition and find it difficult to cope with minor medical setbacks. People dealing with chronic conditions such as heart disease and diabetes were vulnerable before the crisis; now they are at further risk of decline if unable to go out for groceries, if doctor visits are canceled, if mobility is limited and they are socially isolated.

Across the country, programs that serve the older adult population are working hard to ensure that seniors are not neglected. That includes us.
During these high-stress times, CarePatrol is here to assist older adults and their families. We have short-term solutions for respite and in-home care, and long-term options for assisted living and memory care. We understand how critical it is for older adults to be living in a safe environment where care is the top priority.

We share the mutual goal of keeping those in our care safe and healthy—both at work and at home. Please be safe and continue in diligent healthcare protocol and precautions. We will continue to serve the people we all serve. Let us know how we can additionally support you during this challenging time.

When Penny received her dementia diagnosis, she realized there may be a rough road ahead. The dementia journey can be challenging, and she immediately reached out to my CarePatrol office to put a plan in place for her future care needs.  Penny had a unique self-awareness and ability to express herself. She was also aware of how others around her responded to her diagnosis. Our exchanges over the next few months were a fascinating insight into the early stages of dementia.

Penny knew something was not right way before her diagnosis.

She was having difficulty “finding her words.”  Paying bills and dealing with numbers became challenging.  She would “lose her geography” and often become disoriented and could not find her way home. Her family and friends would make jokes about her senior moments, but life went on.  As soon as she had a dementia diagnosis, her world changed. People started treating her like a child. Her daughter started “baby talking” in a slow deliberate manner that made her mad. Her son took away her checkbook and credit cards. She was no longer invited to girls night out or Saturday morning breakfast with the ladies at Panera.

I suggested that we have a “friends and family” meeting so that Penny could lay it all on the table.  She could tell the people that loved her how she felt, and they could express their feelings and possibly figure out how to best interact with a person diagnosed with the ‘terrible D word.”

“I’m not stupid.  I’m the same person I was 2 months ago,” was how Penny started the meeting. I asked her what her family did that made her feel stupid, and she said “don’t argue with me,  telling me no just makes me frustrated!”

No, I’m not your nurse, I am your daughter!

No, you don’t live in Palm Springs.

No, you don’t eat chocolate cake for breakfast every day.

No, your husband is not lost, he died 10 years ago.

We came up with rule number one:

Allow Mom (or the person with dementia) to live in her own reality.

Several other family rules followed:

• Don’t look mean when talking to Mom. Your body language is a strong indicator of your feelings.  Uncross your arms and be pleasant and respectful.  Don’t yell at her like she is hard of hearing.
• Eliminate background noise.  It turns out that the environment had a big influence on Penny’s ability to focus on a conversation.  Loud restaurants were a problem.  Turn off the TV when the family gets together.
• Keep it simple.  Give one direction at a time.  Yes and no questions work well. Complex open-ended questions only created more anxiety.
• Don’t take it personally. Penny insisted she loved her family and never intended to make them upset. If she seemed agitated, she was not aware of it at the time. She asked for grace if she got worse, and redirection if she was being unreasonable.

The family meeting was a game changer. Penny vented her frustrations and the conversation broke the ice with the family.  Penny’s relationship with her family deepened, and they learned how best to relate to mom as her disease progressed.

When Penny and I found a memory care community that would allow her to age in place and help manage her dementia symptoms, she entered the community not in fear, but with her head lifted high. She had the peace of mind knowing that she would be in a place that would provide the connection, engagement and sense of purpose that would allow her to navigate the journey ahead – with dignity, self-respect, and the support of the people who love her.

At CarePatrol, our job is to help you navigate these situations and to find the senior living or home care situation best suited for your needs.  We understand what you are going through, and no one is better at helping seniors and their families deal with the realities of aging than CarePatrol.  If you need help finding care for a senior, please give us a call.  Our services are free, and we are here to help. 

When we exchange vows and state “in sickness and in health”, many of us take that vow literally. In practice, very few are prepared for the demands of being a full-time caregiver.

When Sophia called my CarePatrol office, she had been taking care of her husband for 5 years. Recently his condition had deteriorated, and the physical demands had become overwhelming. After transferring her husband to his wheelchair on a trip to the grocery store, a well-intentioned stranger told her it was nice to see her care for her husband that way, and said it must be very rewarding.

Rewarding was not the word Sophia would use to describe her experience.  She loves her husband, but she hates being a caregiver. Her mornings are spent getting Tom out of bed, toileting, showering, dressing and feeding. Days are filled with doctor’s appointments, diaper changes, scooter repairs, rehabs, battling insurance companies and trips to the ER.  Her laundry piles up and she is afraid to leave the house for fear Tom will need her. Nights are no better as she gets him ready for bed. Her life is full of frustration, pain, depression and exhaustion.

None of us plan on getting sick.  None of us ask to be a caregiver. It just happens.  Sophia is an amazing woman that is now battle-scarred like many caregivers.  She has become an expert on navigating the healthcare system, and her husband could not have a better advocate. But, she has reached her breaking point.

When Sophia called my office, she needed help.  She may have waited too long, but she would not have done it any other way. She rattled off a list of her husband’s needs. I slowed her down. I wanted to know how she was doing.  “Caregiving stinks” was her only response. As I developed a relationship with the family, a Care Plan came together as we found an ideal assisted living facility to provide for Tom’s needs.  All of his activities of daily living would be taken care of – bathing, grooming, dressing, meal preparation, medication management and more. This also allowed Sophia to return to being a wife that looks out for her husband, as opposed to being a full-time caregiver.

Helping people like Sophia make informed choices is what we do every day. We are also here to bring you hope, because we know the senior care industry, and no one is better at helping seniors and their families than CarePatrol.

Please call if you need help finding care for a senior. You can reach your local CarePatrol office at 866-560-5656.

Working with seniors every day means I get to meet some extraordinary people. Steve is a former paratrooper that just gave up skydiving at 81. Ruth escaped Nazi Germany as a child on the Kindertransport to become a successful businesswoman while raising 5 kids. Maria likes to be called “Hollywood” because she found a career as an extra on movie sets at 90.

As I get to know these remarkable people, I am often impressed with their vitality and depth of character. They are funny, capable, and generous with their time.  Many also experience daily physical pain, suffering from a decline in their mental abilities, and deal with debilitating disabilities. When we factor in family conflicts, financial concerns, and bad experiences with care providers, we are left with a challenging situation as we strive to put together a senior living care plan that is unique to each situation.

Part of my evaluation process involves listening to the stories, connecting with the individual, supporting the families, and educating all involved on safe senior living options. When a senior is ready to accept our assisted living or memory care recommendations, we have been through a journey together that has celebrated the joy in life and also found a solution for the suffering.  I can’t think of a better role in this world than helping seniors finish strong.

Care Patrol comes alongside families at no cost, to lift the burden of finding long term care for a senior. Helping people make informed choices is what we do. We are also here to bring you hope because we know the senior care industry, and no one is better at helping seniors and their families than Care Patrol.

Please call if you need help finding care for a senior. You can reach Senior Care Consultant Eric Klein at 847-653-1212.